Doubts & Desires Read online

  “It smells delicious. What are we having?” Merilee asked, seating herself at a stool in front of the counter.

  He smiled again, happy to see that the color had returned to her face and the sparkle was back in her eyes. “I went fishing a couple of days ago and got some steelhead trout, which is cooking now. I’m making a salad, and I hope you don’t mind if we have gelato for dessert.” He shrugged apologetically. “It’s kind of chilly for ice cream, but I’ve got it on hand.”

  “Oh, no problem! Your gelato is delicious,” Merilee assured him.

  “Can I interest you in a glass of wine before dinner?”

  “Gosh, yes. I’d love some!”

  He poured her a glass of pinot noir. “It’s local,” he told her. “A friend of mine owns a small winery on the other side of town. It’s very good.”

  They clinked glasses. “Oh,” Merilee groaned, “this is really good.”

  Adam gulped. Her sensual reaction to the wine reminded him of their first encounter over the ice cream.

  “Thank you,” Merilee continued. “You’ve pulled off a small miracle.”

  “How’s that?”

  “By turning my day around. Seriously, when my car went into the ditch, I was ready to just quit it all and go back to Seattle. Now, I’m starting to feel like maybe it could work out after all.”

  “Of course it’s going to work out,” he assured her. “Come on, let’s have a seat by the fire while we wait for the trout.”

  He was tempted to put his arm around her as they sat down on the couch facing the dancing flames, but he restrained himself.

  She tucked her feet up under her and sat half facing him, her wine glass in hand.

  He propped his own feet on the coffee table, glad that his mother wasn’t there to scold him, and turned toward her. “So what’s scaring you about the café?” he asked.

  She was silent for a moment as she took another sip of wine. “I have a long history of not finishing things. Of failing, basically.”

  “Like what?” he probed, curious that someone as cheery as Merilee could consider herself a failure.

  “Like … I started a PhD program in history at the University of Seattle, and I didn’t finish it. I started writing a book, but didn’t get far. I had a stall at the Seattle Public Market selling handicrafts, but I never made a profit.” She looked glumly into her pinot. “Just not a great track record.”

  “But your café in Seattle was successful, right?”

  “Well, yeah. But that was really my partner. He did all the actual business stuff. I wasn’t very good at that part of it.”

  “How do you know you weren’t any good?” Adam asked her.

  She looked up from the wine, surprise showing in her large brown eyes. “Oh. Well, Jack, my partner … okay, he wasn’t just my business partner, we were dating since college. He wouldn’t let me do a lot of that stuff, because he’d said he’d seen me mess up too many things.”

  Adam’s eyes narrowed. “So, if he wouldn’t let you try anything new, how were you ever supposed to get good at it?”

  Merilee shrugged. “I don’t know … it felt like it made sense at the time. We each did what we were good at, and the café was a success.”

  “So, why’d you leave?”

  Merilee pressed her lips together and put her glass down on the coffee table. The light seemed to go out of her as soon as he asked the question.

  “If I’m getting too personal, just tell me to shut up,” Adam added. It hurt him to see how she sort of folded up on herself. He almost regretted asking, but he was curious to get to the bottom of her insecurity.

  “No, it’s just… I caught him, well, making out with one of the waitresses in the kitchen after hours.”

  “Whoa.” Adam put his own glass down and sat up straighter. “When you say making out…?”

  “I mean, a lot more than making out. Let’s just say it was a good thing the health inspector didn’t catch them, or we probably would have lost our license.”

  Adam burst into laughter.

  Merilee frowned at him. “It’s not funny!” she insisted.

  “When you put it like that, actually, it is funny,” he assured her.

  To his relief, a smile began to tug at the corners of her mouth. “I guess. Anyway, long story short, I tried to get him to buy me out of half the business, but he didn’t give me all that much, so I took out a loan and moved here where I could start fresh.”

  Adam leaned back and studied her carefully.

  “What?” she asked self-consciously.

  “You know you deserve better than this asshole, don’t you?”

  “Well, yeah, but—” she answered hesitantly.

  “But nothing!” He moved closer to her.

  She looked into his eyes and suddenly they seemed to be charged with the same sense of electric anticipation that he’d felt earlier in the van. “You’re worth so much more,” he said quietly. Then, as he’d wanted to do since he’d first seen her lips curve sensuously around the silver spoon of chocolate gelato, he cupped her face in his hands and brought his lips to hers.

  Chapter Six

  For the next several minutes, the world fell away and Merilee was aware only of the feel of Adam’s lips on hers. She could smell his aftershave and taste the lingering pinot. She brought her hand up to stroke his smooth cheek and opened her mouth to the gentle but confident probing of his tongue. Even though she’d only met him a couple of weeks ago, she felt as if she’d been waiting her entire life for this moment.

  Adam’s mouth slipped from hers to her jaw and then her neck. “Merilee …” he murmured.

  “Mmm,” she replied happily. She snuggled closer to him and felt the comforting weight of his body on hers. She ran a hand through his soft light brown hair and, feeling possessive, gave it a gentle tug.

  He moaned in response and bit her earlobe—not hard, but hard enough to send sparks flying through her belly.

  She wriggled further beneath him.

  He pulled away enough to look her in the face. His eyes were dark with desire; the mirror image of her own, she knew. For a moment, they looked at each other, both panting, then the oven timer went off and they collapsed into each others’ arms, laughing.

  “Okay, hang on a sec.” Adam scrambled off the couch and made a dash for the kitchen.

  She got up and followed him a moment later.

  He pulled the trout out of the oven and turned the oven off before turning back to her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He cocked his head at her. “It’s really hot. Should probably cool for a little while.”

  “Maybe a long while?” she suggested hopefully.

  He nodded and then they were kissing again, more passionately than she could remember ever kissing Jack … or anyone, really. Had it ever felt this amazing? She had to stand on tiptoe and tilt her head back to reach him, and she finally pulled away with a laugh. “You’re too tall for me!”

  “Maybe we should go upstairs?” he whispered. “Height doesn’t matter when you’re horizontal.”

  She made a sound that was half laugh, half gasp. It was too soon, too early, they barely knew each other … but her body had already made up her mind for her. She’d worry about the consequences tomorrow. Tonight she could focus only on the tall, gorgeous man in front of her. “Okay,” she breathed, and was rewarded with a smile that lit up his whole face.

  “Come on!” he grabbed her hand and together they raced upstairs to fall laughing onto the queen sized bed in his room. Somehow, she pulled his sweater off over his head and began fumbling with his buttons. He stopped her long enough to pull off her sweatshirt and t-shirt in one fluid move. She hadn’t put her bra back on after the shower, and the sight of her bare breasts drew a groan of desire from deep within his throat.

  “My God, you’re so gorgeous,” he said, taking her all in with his eyes.

  She shivered under his gaze with a mixture of delight, ne
rves and chill.

  “You’re cold. I’m so sorry, let’s get you under the covers!” He began pulling down the duvet.

  “I don’t think you’re sorry at all,” she whispered, smiling.

  “No, not that sorry,” he murmured as he trailed kisses from her neck down her chest before grazing one of her nipples with his teeth. She let out a soft cry, but he was relentless, worshipping each breast with his mouth for a long minute before continuing his kisses down her stomach, until he reached the waistband of her sweatpants and pulled them down and off, along with her pink lacy thong.

  Gently but firmly, he pushed her thighs apart and kissed the rosebud between them. She moaned and gripped the pillow. “Now,” she said. It was barely whispered, but it was an order nonetheless.

  “Be patient,” he murmured back. “We’ve got time.” He leaned back down and kissed her inner thighs.

  She sighed with frustrated desire. She felt his kisses move inward, then his tongue began to gently circle her passage, teasing her. She squirmed impatiently. She heard a low chuckle.

  “I’m not letting you go,” he said.

  Then his mouth was on her again, licking, sucking, teasing, and ever so gently biting. Gradually, he increased the pressure of his mouth and she surrendered to the sensation, feeling it concentrate between her legs before rippling outward through the rest of her. She shuddered and gasped in his grip.

  He moved upward and kissed her on the mouth. She could taste herself as well as him.

  “I wanted you inside me for that,” she scolded gently.

  “The night’s not over, yet.”

  He pulled back. In the moonlight, she could see him smiling, could admire his lean torso as he knelt between her legs.

  “I don’t think we need these anymore,” he said, sliding out of his boxer shorts and leaning over to the bedside table where he groped until he put his hands on a condom.

  She sat up to get a better look at him and ran her hands over his shoulders and chest.

  He kissed her, firmly pushing her back down. The full weight of his body was on her, and she could feel the tip of his manhood against her velvety folds.

  She lifted her legs up and gasped as he slid into her.

  He began to thrust back and forth, slowly at first, then faster.

  She met each of his thrusts, lifting her hips and gasping each time.

  He kissed her neck and played with her nipples, pinching them gently.

  She only moaned in response. She had not expected to get excited again so soon. But then, being with Adam wasn’t like anything she’d experienced before. The long, exhausting day had turned into a passionate night with a beautiful man—why should she expect that anything about this would be ordinary?

  He bent to kiss her breast, sucking gently, then more strongly. He pinched her other nipple harder while increasing the strength of his thrusts, each one meeting the sweet spot and causing the pressure in her to build until she could stand it no longer.

  She gasped, grabbing him by the hair, and began to buck rhythmically under him. As the warm glow increased in intensity, she felt her entire body convulse in a long, drawn-out ecstasy. She took a deep, gasping breath and relaxed, exhausted.

  He gripped her shoulders and began to pound into her, faster and faster, until he gave a long, deep groan, and she felt him shudder.

  She put her arms around him and stroked his back and his hair and he relaxed into her arms.

  ***

  The rain had stopped and the full moon could be seen through the window, half-peeking out over a bank of clouds. A single star shone next to it.

  Merilee lay next to him, her breath coming in long, grateful sighs, her head on his shoulder. Adam wasn’t the sentimental sort, but the beauty of the sky reflected the beauty of the moment so perfectly that it felt like a sign. He closed his eyes and made a wish.

  “God, you must be starving,” he said, opening his eyes again.

  She laughed into his chest and he felt her shake her head. “You say the most romantic things,” she observed.

  “I know the way to a woman’s heart.” He gave her forehead a quick kiss. “Stay here. I’ll get us some dinner.”

  “Oh, don’t get up,” she pleaded.

  “We’ll fall asleep and you’ll wake up hungry at 3 in the morning and there won’t be anything except cold fish and wilted salad, and you’ll think I’m the worst host ever. Just stay here a sec.”

  He slid out of bed, pulled on his jeans, and switched on the bedside lamp before padding barefoot downstairs. A few minutes later, he went back with a large tray.

  Merilee sat up in bed, the duvet pulled up over her breasts—those magnificent breasts! He felt his blood stir again just thinking about them.

  The tray contained two plates piled high with food, plus the cutlery, napkins and two fresh glasses of pinot noir.

  The smile on her face brought a smile to his own. There was something about the act of making her happy that made him eager to do everything he could think of for her. It wasn’t quite a candlelit dinner, but the glow of the lamp cast a warm light on her face, and the tendrils of dark brown curls that wound down her cheek and over her shoulders. She looked like a Renaissance painting. He wanted to tell her so, but he was sure the words would sound ridiculous spoken out loud, so he settled for arranging the tray carefully on the bed.

  “Thank you! You’re right, I was starving. This looks absolutely delicious!” she said, gazing at the plates with anticipation.

  “I probably should have warmed it up a bit, but I think it’ll still be good. Eat it up quickly before it gets too cold.”

  She took a bite of the fish and he was gratified to hear her groan in delight. “So good! You’re an amazing cook. Her deep brown eyes met his hazel ones. “Thank you.” She shook her head. “I can’t even tell you how awful this day was until you came and pulled me out of that ditch. And now… I mean… thank you.”

  “Technically, Sam pulled your car out of the ditch,” Adam reminded her.

  “You know what I mean.” Merilee took a sip of wine and lay back against the pillows. “This is all just heavenly.”

  He was grinning at her like an idiot, but he couldn’t help it. “I gotta say, so far it’s worked out pretty well for me, too. Any time you need pulling out of a ditch, just let me know.”

  She laughed and they ate their dinner together, chatting and flirting and polishing off the wine. For dessert, he fed her chocolate gelato, this time able to relish every moan, to stare ravenously at the ecstatic look on her face, until he could hardly wait for her to swallow the last spoonful, and they made love again, more tenderly and sweetly this time, before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

  Chapter Seven

  Merilee sat in the main room of the café, studying the menu design that Celia had dropped off. Her body was still humming from her night—and morning—with Adam. Now Adam, true to his word, was setting up the shelving units in the kitchen and had promised her that he’d work on the lights in the main room next.

  After another lovemaking session early in the morning, they’d had breakfast before feeding and milking the cows—well, that had been mostly Adam; Merilee had been fascinated by the big beasts, but knew that her curious, excited questions and attempts to lend a hand had probably been more of a hindrance than a help. But Adam had been good-natured about it. He’d answered her questions as best he could and kissed her on the nose before driving her back to her apartment to shower and change. He’d run a few errands, then driven her to the café, where they’d unloaded her boxes and gotten to work.

  Merilee was relaxed enough now to focus on her paperwork. She reviewed the menus that Celia had designed, making just a few changes, before moving on to her accounts. She’d spent more money than she’d budgeted for not even having opened yet, but she hadn’t overspent as much as she’d feared. In theory, it wouldn’t take her too long to get into the black… although that depended on
a good kickoff and steady revenue. But it was possible.

  She was expecting Celia to drop by later that day to review the menus and check out the banner, so when her phone rang, she picked it up without thinking. The name on the caller id didn’t register until she’d said, “Hello?” and immediately regretted it.

  “Hey, babe, it’s me.”

  Her heart sank, a strange feeling of dread and guilt twisting in her stomach. But they’d broken up—she had nothing to feel guilty about, she reminded herself. “Jack…” she said cautiously.

  “Listen, babe, I think we should talk.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” she replied, keeping her voice low.

  “Why are you whispering?” he asked. “Is there someone with you?”

  “Yes, I’ve got people helping me set up. I need to go.” It was only Adam, of course, but Jack didn’t need to know that.

  “On a Sunday? I hope they’re bonded professionals, Merilee, and not just people you decided to hire off the street. You know, if they get hurt on your premises, they could sue you for everything—”

  “I’m opening in a few days, Jack, and I’m busy. What do you want?” she snapped. She had insurance, of course, but she hadn’t thought that asking Adam to set up some shelves was a potential lawsuit risk. But that was silly. It was just him, a drill and some shelves.

  “I want to talk to you. I’m not sure you thought this all through, opening a new café out in the sticks. I can’t imagine how much this is costing you.”

  “It wouldn’t have had to cost me anything if you’d have bought me out of my share of Beans. Fortunately, I was able to get a loan and I’m opening next week. I have a lot to do now, so—”

  “Don’t hang up,” Jack insisted. “I’m worried about you, Merilee. You don’t have the experience for something like this.”

  “I busted my ass at Beans for five years!” she hissed. “I owned half of it. Technically, I still own half of it. Feel free to buy me out anytime. It’ll save us both the legal fees when I sue you.”